Thursday, March 11, 2010

A live dog is better than a dead lion.

That sounds a lot more negative than I mean it at the moment, but this has been a stressful week for me. I participated in my first memorial service which left me shell shocked for a few days. I am not used to death and I do not like the idea of being ok with it. I had to give my final speech/group presentation on Tuesday and today I learned we did poorly. My internship is winding down and I found that the next interview for my interview was never scheduled, and I am scrambling to get the rest of my paper work in on time. I had the most uncomfortable conversation with the person who has hurt me the most in seminary. Trying to do what Jesus would want me to do with her is hard. I started to write my final for Theology and Culture. I have seen God really working in my life, showing me how loved I am by some close friends. It has been a week that has been harder than normal but I think I am handling it best as I can. I have not done anything I am ashamed of.

So I turned to Ecclesiastes 9, it has the wonderful subtitle “Take life as it comes.” I can honestly say it is a great chapter. Good things and bad things are going to happen to me. That is not an excuse to do things I will regret later no matter how satisfying they may be at the moment. Also I know I need to take the good and just live in it. I have no clue what I am going to do with my life. I have no ambition. I just know this; I am going to love God with everything I am, I am going to minister to other people no matter what I do, I am going to do my best to never treat people the way I have been treated.

I have no clue what shape that will mean for the future but I am diving in with no abandon. It is better to be alive with low status than to be a great figure without life. I know that as long as I do nothing to tarnish my honor and my name I can be doing something for God. I hope things get better in the next couple of weeks but right now I have a lot of stress


1 comment:

Josh H. said...

This shaggy-haired Quaker definitely agrees with the quote you invoke. 9:4 is my motto. One thing I've laughed about is its significance in my life and how it probably wouldn't be a very good epitaph (for obvious reasons).

I google the phrase every few days (to see what hits show up) and saw your post. I had to check it out and was glad I did. I've had some recent experiences that have also been troubling.

It's good to know that others take the same attitude when similarly struck by the stress of life.