easy money

I was perusing that wonder gift of the internet and I saw something incredible. On hulu there is a show called Easy Money. This is a show about those people that give pay day loans to people that re unfair and take advantage of people. We know these are bad people and they do bad things. Their avarice is apparent and their morals are nonexistent. But the thing that hit me was the portrayal of Christians. One of the characters is a part of a contemporary worship choir at her church. So in the show they are blasting a Christian song as background music. I am a little saddened by this. This means that that holder of the rights of this song let this happen. They did not check into what their song will be used for. So Christianity and worship are not really flattered here. Secondly there is a hint that the pastor is carrying on a relationship with the character in an inappropriate way. Winks generally have the connotation of something underneath and conspiracy. So Christians are portray as no better or different than anyone else. I guess I should not be surprised by this but I am. I do not like the idea that Christian would fit so seamlessly into a show about loan sharks. That instead of being the opposite of the loan sharks they are in cahoots with the loan sharks. I am not sure what the response is but it tells me that I need to be different.

I am not dead

There is so much to write about I am not sure what to write about. So recently I have been given a mortal insult. If we still had code duello I would have to consider it. Personally everything that I am comes from personal piety. My faith is my source. That God is the most real and from that I do everything. My views of theology and philosophy are based on God. My views how what to eat and how to act are from god. If anything about me is nice then that is because God is so cool. If anything about me is crappy then that is because I did not let god in and I choose sin over God. So this guy mocked that. He scoffed at that idea that personal piety was important. That is about as bad as it gets to insult me. If you deny and mock the thing that I hold most dear then I have a problem with that. One cannot insult what a person holds most dear and then expect things to be good.

Also another negative note I am finding I do not like conferences. Christian conferences are not designed for introverts. They do not give the introvert time to relax and process what is being said. They just start to rush a person around. From the time I get up to until 8:30 they have me rushing somewhere doing something. Spiritual health does not come from business. One does not get closer to God when they are surrounded by voices crying for attention all day. It is driving me insane. I have started to skip things in an effort to get back under control. I have been trying to get as much sleep and reading for fun as possible. I am trying to relax and find some way to connect back to God despite all the noise. It is tough. I guess this reinforces my need for quiet in God and rest in him. Never let something suck your soul, but find time for God and chill in Him.

BLAMO

The only conversation I have had for the past three days was over the phone. This may seem innocuous but really this is vexing. I am not an extrovert by any means. I do not even like groups of two. But I do need to talk so someone. It helps me process and sort out my thoughts. It allows me to hear feedback from someone else. if I think something up without input from somewhere else I only get caught up in thinking how right I am. When I think along my line of reasoning and I end up believing line of reasoning is perfect. It helps to hear from others.

So the only conversation I had was with a friend in Oregon. He was nice enough to let me blather on but it is disconcerting to keep talking and realizing how much I needed to get out. In college I had a good friend I was able to talk to. Here there are a few people to talk to but most of them have more pressing relationships they need to deal with. I am not about come between a marriage.

If anything this highlights the need of community in faith. We all need to talk to people about important things. We need to talk to people about God. We also need to talk to
God. None of us can live life alone but with others the journey is so much cooler.

do not go it alone

I have a few rules I do not break. I don’t go out to movies or eateries by myself. You have to go with someone else not alone. I just feel creepy and weird. I think the same is true with religion. I can’t do it alone. I make mistakes and do not get the joy of talking and learning from others. This is important because I wanted to go out to watch the Steelers play today. But I didn’t have anyone to go with. So like with eating and movies you need to practice religion with friends.

Dodgers game

I did something I have not done in years. I went to a Dodgers game. I learned something. I like true fans. Behind me sat a guy and his lady friend who loved the game. He gave the loudest cheers and boos and she knew everyone’s name and stats. It was amazing. They got so excited for every hit and every base run. It made the game more fun for me.

I do not really know much about baseball. I am not really a fan. I am a pirates fan and they suck. So I do not care. But seeing fans who love their team make me enjoy it more. I like can take part in that joy. So it got me thinking about church. Because everything goes back to faith. I wonder what it is like if Christians were like that. Not pushing their faith on others but really excited. What if they are cheering the Bible, not to force it on others, but to take joy in it. That is the faith I want. I want rave about the Bible like a sporting event. Like it is the greatest thing ever. Maybe that is the attitude to have concerning faith. To cheer it and be excited about it. Maybe that is what attracts people to it.

Also Jon Vales is a cool guy for inviting me to go with him to the Dodgers game.

my singleness

Why I have resigned myself to being single.
Because I do not think I can be friends with single women. It is not a matter of sexist but in how I view friendship. I view friends as people I get to know. I tell them what is happing in my life. They tell me what they are up to. Sometimes we share intimate information. We hangout together. Now an important thing is that I hate hanging out in groups of people. Even if it is a group of my friends I do not like it. I like meeting people one-on-one. That is the rub. It has been my experience that single women freak out if a guy wants to hang out with them alone. It turns into this big deal about dating and sexual tension. Nuts to that. I will never get to know someone hanging out in a group and no one will get to know me in group. That is not how I socialize. Also single women tend to freak out if you share anything personal with them. That is with the caveat of being within the realm of my experience.

So I do not put much trust in “being friends first.” because we will never really be friends because I don’t play social games with dating. I don’t get a group together for the purpose of hanging out with one specific woman. I don’t intend to either. Also I guess I am a bit intense because I want to get to know a woman and find out what is happening in her life. I could care less about superficial interactions. I want to know what is going on. I guess that is too much for some.

Now I can be friend with women who are dating or married. They know I am not trying anything so they don’t freak out. They don’t assume I have hidden motives. I really don’t have hidden motives. I am incapable of guile or cunning. I let people know what is happening pretty much all the time. And that is why I will probably remain single forever.

I have no problem with this. I am not upset about it. It is just on observation I have made. I won't have to worry about a marriage giving me responsibilities that are not about God so that is cool. Paul had it right when he extolled the benefits of singleness.

When did I become Pastoral?

When did I become pastoral? I mean that in the way of ‘when did I turn into someone people who open up to and then try to offer comforting wisdom?’ It started with a conversation with a friend who needed to hear a testimony. He just needed to hear about God working in the life of others. I was happy to oblige because I had run smack into God recently. Then I was talking to another friend and he was worried over some family. So I listened. I offered some comments and then did not upset him so that was good. Then a youth explained to me some problems she was having with her sister. I was dumbfounded as to how to respond but I listened. I said what I could. Last night I was talking to a friend from high school I haven’t spoken to since high school and she needed to talk. So I did the whole listening thing with offering a few comments.

It sticks me as terribly weird. I never thought I would be in this role really. I know that I am going to be a pastor but this is still weird. I mean I just don’t know why anyone would confide in my at all. I don’t think I have some special skill at listening. I came to the conclusion that people are more happy to know me then they are unhappy to know me. It is very confusing. Because I still remember quite clearly that a number of people dislike me. I don’t know when I got into this position. Apparently I am approachable but not much beyond that. I don’t know.