Wednesday, September 17, 2008

my singleness

Why I have resigned myself to being single.
Because I do not think I can be friends with single women. It is not a matter of sexist but in how I view friendship. I view friends as people I get to know. I tell them what is happing in my life. They tell me what they are up to. Sometimes we share intimate information. We hangout together. Now an important thing is that I hate hanging out in groups of people. Even if it is a group of my friends I do not like it. I like meeting people one-on-one. That is the rub. It has been my experience that single women freak out if a guy wants to hang out with them alone. It turns into this big deal about dating and sexual tension. Nuts to that. I will never get to know someone hanging out in a group and no one will get to know me in group. That is not how I socialize. Also single women tend to freak out if you share anything personal with them. That is with the caveat of being within the realm of my experience.

So I do not put much trust in “being friends first.” because we will never really be friends because I don’t play social games with dating. I don’t get a group together for the purpose of hanging out with one specific woman. I don’t intend to either. Also I guess I am a bit intense because I want to get to know a woman and find out what is happening in her life. I could care less about superficial interactions. I want to know what is going on. I guess that is too much for some.

Now I can be friend with women who are dating or married. They know I am not trying anything so they don’t freak out. They don’t assume I have hidden motives. I really don’t have hidden motives. I am incapable of guile or cunning. I let people know what is happening pretty much all the time. And that is why I will probably remain single forever.

I have no problem with this. I am not upset about it. It is just on observation I have made. I won't have to worry about a marriage giving me responsibilities that are not about God so that is cool. Paul had it right when he extolled the benefits of singleness.

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